


Searching

by KittyGodspeed118



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Polyamory, also cute things, ninjaflap, sad things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 19:39:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7374772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyGodspeed118/pseuds/KittyGodspeed118
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a sequel to my fanfiction series Lost that tells of the emotional struggle that comes with what feels like unrequited love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Misery's Company

**Author's Note:**

> The songs Ghost by Halsey and Dancing on My Own by Robyn are really good to listen to while reading

Beep. Beep. B E E P. B E E P. Beepbeep.

Brian's fist came down especially hard on the alarm clock this rainy morning as he summoned the strength to sit up. His piercing icy blue eyes fluttered open and they stayed pointed at the blank, white ceiling. His lips parted as he summoned the energy to consciously take a breath. It had been six months. He'd been made a Grump, broken up with Dan, and given up teaching in the span of six months.

"Why can't you be fucking happy," he mouthed at the ceiling as if it were a mirror. "Get up," he followed up with, his tone more authoritative.

Now, it was important to say that him and Danny were still friends. They had decided that there should be no bad blood between them and on Dan's side, there was none. On Brian's end, he thought he could move on. This was the result of catching intense feelings despite his better judgement. He knew about Dan and Arin. He knew he'd get hurt. Even still, he fell hard and fast for the glowing grin and deep brown eyes.

Finally, Brian pried himself from his bed, trudging to the bathroom with feet that felt like cinder blocks. He lazily flicked on the light, startlingly staring into the mirror at his reflection. He never thought it was possible for eight years to catch up to someone in a matter of hours. The insecurity caused a painful twinge in his chest as every wrinkle seemed suddenly visible.

Was it possible that being with Dan was such a surreal experience that his own old age hadn't even crossed his mind? Was it actually a plausible theory that Dan's presence transcended and even delayed the existential crisis that Brian was meant to have almost a decade ago?

"Oh fuck," he grumbled, his eyes immediately draw to the wave of grey hair that suddenly stuck out like a sore thumb.

It was hard to roll his eyes when he felt so miserable. Even being as intelligent as he was, he knew the last few months had been stressfully unpleasant. He ran a hand through his hair and felt his jaw clench as his eyes focused on one individual grey hair at a time. He only looked up when his phone buzzed for a moment before The Hit by TWRP blared from the speaker. He practically dove for it, trying to pick it up before Dan's vocals could haunt his ears yet again. You'd think he'd just change the ringtone, but something in him just wouldn't allow that to happen.

"Impromptu recording sesh, be there or be a dick," the friendliest voice cheered. "You up for it, old man?"

"Don't call me that," Brian snapped almost immediately.

There was a short, intense pause as they both searched for something to say. Brian let out a loud sigh and cleared his throat.

"Sorry...it's been a weird morning, I guess," he murmured. "What were you saying?"

"I wanted to know if you were down to record some new shit but it sounds like you're in the middle of having a moment..."

"Is Arin going to be there?"

Oh god, Brian thought. It sounded way more spiteful than he meant it to be...at least consciously.

"Yeah, he had some new Starbomb ideas to run by us...seriously, dude, what the fuck is up with you today? Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Hey, Bri?"

"Yes?"

"I'll be really glad to see you again," Dan said, the genuine content in his voice almost grabbing Brian through the phone. "It's uh, it's been a while..."

All of a sudden, there was a sensation of anger that burned within Brian's stomach. Why he felt so compelled to be angry was beyond him. Dan was happy and that's what he cared about above anything else. Yet, there he was, phone clutched in his hand tightly and knees buckled. Even with this eerie feeling of dread, he continued getting dressed and mentally preparing himself for what feel like juvenile jealousy. He trudged to his car, eyes stapled to the road as he tried to make some sense of his jumbled thoughts.

"Hey, man," Arin said from the doorway.

"Hey...where's-"

"Taking a shit," he cut in quickly before the rest of the inquiry could leave Brian's lips. "He'll be out soon. Anyway, how's it goin'? You haven't been around in a while a-"

"I've been busy," Brian interjected hastily, the smell of sex practically radiating from Arin as they spoke.

"Look, I hope this isn't about-"

"It's not. Are you gonna let me in or not?"

Brian finally looked Arin head-on, realizing how sharp his tone was again. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Let's not talk about it. We don't need to."

They finally headed inside and Arin silently searched for the notepad he'd been writing all his notes and ideas on. Brian sat down on the couch and looked around. He'd been to Arin's house so many times before, but it was different when the air was hostile and chilled. As he scanned the room, he caught sight of Suzy, who moved about in the kitchen. Before he could find something to say, Dan emerged from the stairs, hair wrapped in a towel and a pink robe engulfing his skinny form.

"Hey, Bri," he said cheerfully, drying his hair vigorously.

"Hi."

Dan immediately felt the tension in Brian's voice and his smiled disappeared almost as quickly. He sat down at the edge of the coffee table in front of the older man and sighed.

"You said things would be normal...that you understood my situation. I thought you said you weren't going to stay mad at me-"

"And yet, here we are. Funny how that works," Brian jabbed, his dagger-eyes glaring almost through Dan. "I'm...trying." He added after a long pause.

"I thought you'd be happy for me, man..."

"And I thought I wouldn't still be caught up over this bullshit months later. I shouldn't...I just...I feel really...not okay when I can't be around you. I don't even think I wanna be your boyfriend, but I sure as fuck hate the way things are now. Why would I want to be your boyfriend when you're dating someone who even the internet has dubbed your 'other half'? It's like you've taken up so much space in my mind that for the first time in a really fuckin' long time, I saw how old I am. Do you know what that's like? I don't even think my hair was this grey before we broke up. And I look at you and Arin, who are clearly meant for each other and it feels like I never even stood a chance. It's like, okay, you're happy and that's great and I'm happy for you but it was so easy to get tangled up in you and it fucked me up. If you think about that kind of nonsense long enough, it starts to hurt even for people like me."

The whole house fell silent. In all the months of dodging and pretending, he'd never even tried to articulate what he felt. Dan looked around for anything to say, his slender fingers switching between hesitantly reaching for Brian and finding something to fiddle with.

"And now that that's out of the way, we should get some actual work done," Brian finally concluded, rubbing his temples.

"I'll go get Arin," Dan murmured, patting Brian's hand.

And then he was alone in the room again. And just as quickly as Dan had disappeared, Suzy entered. She sat down beside him, hugging her knees to her chest.

"How are...things?"

"They're...they could be better," Brian scoffed, sighing. "I take it things are not nearly as dramatic on your end?"

"Eh...it's hard when all the fucking and heartfelt happenings take place in your own home," Suzy replied with a pitiful laugh.

The air felt less bitter and more pathetically relateable. The calmness instantly made it easier to breathe and Suzy picked at her nails as she thought of how to articulate what she was thinking. Finally, she put a hand on Brian's thigh.

"We should have sex," she finally said, the confidence alarming to even Brian.

"We should."

"And I mean, like, this isn't a me trying to make anyone jealous thing or like-"

"I totally understand and I agree completely."

And it became almost an unspoken pact between the two of them that sex was a thing they could do. As two people wounded by heartbreak and circumstance, it just seemed to make sense. It was a start at least.


	2. Airplanes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suzy and Brian are misery buddies

What would you do if your closest friends were happy? That sounds like a crazy question, but honestly, if two of your close friends were happy together, where would that put you?

More realistically, how would you stop hurting if you felt like you were simply a buffer until these two friends decided they were ready to admit they were made for each other?

Brian sat in his car in the middle of the airport parking lot. By the power of cliché coincidence, it started to pour before he even managed to get in the warmth of his car. He gripped the steering wheel and focused on each drop of rain as it hit the front window.

It wasn't supposed to hurt this badly. In fact, it wasn't supposed to hurt at all. Dan was finally happy again. That's all that should've mattered and in a perfect world, it would've been. Unfortunately, envy and selfishness sneak up when we'd rather they didn't. He kept saying it to himself: it shouldn't hurt. He's happy. It shouldn't hurt. It's shouldn't. It shouldn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It does...

He was jolted from his thoughts by a light tapping on the window. He looked up and there stood Suzy, mascara running down her face and hair plastered in her eyes from the torrential downpour. Brian unlocked the door and let her in almost immediately.

"We did it," she said after a terribly awkward silence.

They dared not look at each other. Part of it was shame of having selfish thoughts and the other half was the threat of crying in front of someone else. So they sat. Brian only moved to turn the key in the ignition. He had no plan on leaving any time soon, but at least if the car was on, he could turn the heat on. It was ungodly cold that night.

"Fuck," Brian said simply, feeling as if saying anything would help.

"Yeah," Suzy seconded. "Fuck."

The silence was no longer stilted but comfortable. Perhaps that was the first time that Brian felt he wasn't alone in months. There was a feeling of solidarity that followed after the twinge of jealous pain. In that moment, Suzy wasn't just someone he knew of. She was a beacon of light to cling to. It felt like finding a survivor in the rubble of the apocalypse. 

Brian was shaken from his thoughts when he felt the person lying beside him stir a bit. The sunlight flooded through the windows and it enveloped the bed as morning began to roll by. He yawned and his eyes traced the outline of the shoulder against his chest.

"That was nice," Suzy murmured, her eyes still shut.

People, in most cases, like to feel desired. Even if they don't look for it, people like the feeling of others wanting them and enjoying their presence. For Suzy, Brian fulfilled that role 110%. Maybe it was because he felt he needed to prove something to himself or maybe it was because he was felt the same painful empathy of being the right guy at the wrong time. It was hard to say. Regardless, he attentive to Suzy both mentally and physically.

"We're not...dating, are we?" He asked suddenly.

"Nah."

"Good. I don't...think we should do that."

"Me neither," Suzy replied calmly, rolling over to face him. "We don't need to."

There was another silence, far more comfortable than any silence he'd had with Dan or Arin in the last few months. Suzy sat up and lazily climbed onto of Brian, kissing along his jawline gently.

"I like...this." She said wistfully, pressing her lips against the stubbly patch of skin where the chin ended as the neck began.

"This," Brian repeated with a playful scoff. "What the hell does that mean?"

"This...us, you...it feels-"

"Nice. It feels nice. I understand completely."

She grinned and continued her trail of kisses down his chest, playfully leaving little bites. Brian shifted under her, letting out soft chuckles as Suzy nibbled at his skin. These mornings were particularly lazy and calming since they started at sunrise. Brian smiled faintly, shutting his eyes again and sighing blissfully. 

"Talk about science," Suzy murmured, resuming her kiss trail down to Brian's stomach. 

"Only if you talk about taxidermy," he retorted with a chuckle. "Nothing's more arousing than stuffing dead animal carcasses."

Suzy smirked, her lips pecking across the waistband of Brian's boxers. The moment was cut short by his phone vibrating. Again, the song that blared from the tiny speaker was "The Hit". He almost felt a twinge of shame rise in him as he picked it up. 

"I totally get it," Suzy soothed, sitting up and crawling back up to the pillows at the head of the bed. "It's a good song."

Brian's lips curled into a small smile as he picked up the phone. His background was one of those nebula edit photos you'd find on Tumblr. He couldn't help but feel his mind wander to when it used to be him and Dan. 

"Hello?"

"Hey, uh, Bri...it's Danny-"

"I have caller ID."

"I-I...shit, yeah, that's a thing...um, can we talk? Or...I mean, are you busy currently?"

"I don't know," he chuckled, kissing Suzy's nose. "Am I busy?"

"Nah," she giggled.

"Apparently, I'm not. What's up?"

"Uh...well, I was thinking about...well, really Arin and I..."

"Should I come over or...?"

"Y-yeah. That would be nice," Dan finally said, exhaling sharply. 

Around that time, Suzy's phone buzzed. The picture of her and Arin sticking their tongues out greeted her, though the brightness was too high for her to fully appreciate it. 

Arin: Hey, buddy ol pal, can you come over?

Me: Sure?? Is something wrong?

Arin: No...I mean...fuck idk man

Suzy put her phone down at approximately the same time that Brian hung up his. 

"The fuck do you think that was about," Suzy asked with a yawn.

Brian shrugged and finally got up. He stretched, every creak of his bones becoming painfully apparent. He let out a defeated sigh before Suzy reached out and hugged his waist.

"41 isn't old and you're fine," she reassured, kissing his back. "I promise."

She rose from the bed as well and walked to the bathroom. All over the mirror above the sink were post-it notes with little messages on them. Suzy's eyes flickered from her bare stomach to a note towards the center of the mirror. 

"Fat =/= Ugly" the first part said. "More tummy means more to kiss. Relax. You. Are. Beautiful."

When someone a person cares about has broken their heart, often times they run through a checklist of what they might have done wrong or what they look like. Even being as smart as they were, Brian and Suzy both found themselves doing it. The notes were something that just started one day. She wrote "lookin' good, big daddy!" on a small slip of paper and taped it to the mirror. Without discussion, the next note was "you are enough!" and it went on from there.


	3. Satisfied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arin and Dan realize that they may not be happy the way things are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You will never be satisfied, god, I hope you're satisfied."

You think...

"This is what we wanted."

You roll over and look at this man that you've loved since you first met and you think...

"This should feel so much better."

You lie in bed, staring at the ceiling and think...

"Is this all there is?"

Dan sat up, resting his head on his hand and propping himself up on one elbow. He used his free hand to rub Arin's stomach the way he usually did at night. It kept them both calm. 

"Spit it out," Arin grumbled, not bothering to open his eyes.

"What?"

"You've been staring a hole into my supple teets for the last two hours. So, just spit it out. What're you thinking about?"

You think...

"Is this not what we wanted at all?"

Dan sat up completely and stood up. He paced the floor slowly, fingers combing through his curly tangles. 

"Arin, I'm not...I don't think I'm happy."

Arin himself sat up and leaned back against the headboard of the bed. His face remained neutral as he watched Dan pace. Before he could speak, Dan shook his head and sighed.

"Like, I'm so fucking into you and I love being around you. You're my best friend and I'm so in love with everything that makes you...you."

"But?"

"But, there's something missing. This should feel better...this...Fuck, I don't know."

Arin sat silently for only a moment before lying back and nodding.

You think...

"What's missing?"

Arin shot up and held Dan's shoulders. 

"Dude, I think I got it."

"Uh...huh??"

"Okay, so Suzy and Brian have been fucking for like, months now, right?"

"They have? Since when?"

"Fuck, I don't know. Anyway, they're fucking and that sucks because we used to fuck, right?"

"I guess?"

"But we're not like, jealous, right?"

"I don't know...it kind of feels sucky to hear-"

"Listen, what if we're not happy because we thought this was an either/or situation instead of a both/and situation?"

You think...

"I miss him...the way his stomach would brush up against my spine when we spooned, her cute little giggle, the way his piano-playing fingers worked their way along every curve of my body, the way she rubbed my back when I was stressed, the way he teased and taunted me when I needed to laugh and took life too seriously...but I threw that away. Didn't I?"

Arin smiled and took a breath to calm himself down.

"We thought all we needed was each other, but we actually exist as a weird foursome. Does that make sense?"

You think...

"Didn't I?"

"So what you're saying is," Dan began, still a bit confused. "We'd all be dating...each other? Does that work?"

"I don't fuckin' know, but it's worth a try, right? I mean, I've known Suzy for almost have of my life now and living without her fucking sucks."

"Yeah...but, what if we blew it by leaving them behind? It was kind of awful...I mean, we left them...I didn't even think about it because I was so fucking happy to see you, but we left them standing there by themselves in a fucking airport like every moment we'd spent with them meant nothing...I know we didn't mean to but, fuck, man, that must feel so shitty..."

Arin sat down again and let out a labored sigh. 

You think...

"God, what a fucked up way to leave things. Are we assholes?"

Arin reached out for his phone and tossed Dan's to him. It was 4:00 in the morning. They needed to sleep, but with a plan in mind, it was hard to fall asleep. 

"Should we wait, then," Dan asked, lying back down.

"Yeah. We'll call them first thing in the morning."

You think...

"What's he doing right now? Are they cute together?"

Arin climed back under the covers and sighed. 

"I kind of ship it."

"What?"

"Brian and Suzy? It's kinda cute."

"I hate it."

There was a long, abrupt pause. Dan sat up and shook his head.

You think...

"How fucking hypocritical could you possibly be?"

His mind wandered back to the first time Brian showed up for a Starbomb brainstorming session. Dan and Arin had the audacity to have sex short after that and just barely clean up when Brian showed up. There was still so much hurt that turned itself into bitter coldness in his piercing blue eyes. Suddenly, it all made sense. Here Dan was feeling jealous that Brian was having sex with someone else as if he hadn't done the same thing. 

"I'm losing my fucking mind," Dan groaned, hiding his face in a pillow.

"I guess we're both kind of assholes because what we want is a little greedy-"

"But, we're allowed to be greedy because...fuckin'...I don't know. Is it possible for four people to be perfect for each other at the same point in time?"

"Dude, I don't fucking know. You're the older one. You've dated more people than I have."

"My body like, aches...I feel like garbage..."

"We could fuck."

"We could."

They sat in silence for a bit longer before Arin let out an exasperated sigh.

"Everything sucks."

"Everything is significantly less awesome than previously thought. For sure."


	4. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forgiveness does not always take the place of anger. Love is scary.

"Do you think they'll actually show up," Dan asked, peeking through the window curtains every so often.

"They said they would," Arin retorted shortly, pulling something out of the oven. "We just have to trust them to trust us."

"Would you trust us?"

Arin paused and looked visibly confused. Dan sighed and ran his hands through his wild hair.

"Look, we didn't exactly explain what we wanted and they might think we're gonna hurt them with whatever news we give them...I'm just freaking the fuck out a little bit..."

"We bought enough flowers and baked enough cakes to keep a floral baking business running for years. Chill. They'll be here."

Dan sat down and grabbed a notebook. If he couldn't relax, he'd at least fake it by trying to get some writing done.

Brian sat in cold silence, the steering wheel of the car clutched tightly in his hands. Suzy kissed his shoulder and smiled a bit as it relaxed under her lips.

"Relax, Bri. What's the worst that can happen? They tell us Arin's pregnant?"

"That's disgusting."

"That's actually pretty gross," Suzy chuckled. "I'm sorry. Look, what I'm saying is, it won't be that bad. We've grown a lot and maybe they have too, ya know?"

"Dan probably just wants his stuff back."

"Like?"

"The three Def Leppard vinyl copies he let me borrow, his Ramones t-shirt, his guitar pick necklace, that bear he won for me at Round 1...boyfriend stuff."

"You brought all that with you?"

"No, all that's in that box in the back seat is a big ol' 'go fuck yourself' note."

Brian felt unbelievably bitter and he hated the feeling. There was something that boiled in his mind that just stuck with him like a bad taste in his mouth. It was like all the anger from his breakup with Dan had manifested itself into an almost childish envy that he despised. Was he mad at Arin for being everything he felt he wasn't? Maybe. Was he mad at Dan for being happy? Possibly. Was he mad at himself for seeing all of his flaws at once after breaking up with Dan? Definitely. At the end of it all, he felt less like the confident older man that everyone not only loved but looked up to and more like a guy acting way younger than he needs to in order to blend in with people who may not even care about him at all.

As for Suzy, her issue was less anger and more sadness. For the longest time, she had to be her own cheerleader. Arin took that burden from her when they were together, so when they weren't together, it felt like she had to learn to love herself all over again. Like Brian, it felt like she was constantly cropped out of pictures to make room for Dan. She'd gotten used to it, but that didn't mean it didn't still hurt. She wanted to be mad. It would feel so gratifying for her to be. She listened to Arin gush about Dan day and night even when they were married and because she loved them both, she put up with it. After spending enough time with Brian, she realized how much more painful splitting up was in reality. As time went by, she had time to think about how stupid she felt for not seeing the signs earlier. It felt like the heartbreak could've been avoided.

"I just...I don't wanna care anymore," Brian went on after such a long silence. "Caring...hurts."

"But we care anyway, huh," Suzy muttered.

"Yeah, emotions are kind of bullshit that way."

The car pulled up to the driveway and stopped abruptly. Suzy unbuckled her seat belt and reached into the back seat to grab a plate of brownies.

"You can steal a corner piece before we go inside," she whispered with a grin.

Brian couldn't help but smile and take a corner piece with a plethora of powdered sugar. He kissed her nose before unlocking the doors and getting out. He took a deep breath and braced himself for whatever he was about to heart. He grabbed hold of Suzy's hand, not for her sake particularly, but for his own as he rang the doorbell.

"Hey," Arin said as he opened the door. "What's up?"

"Hi," Suzy said, holding out the plate of brownies. "I thought you might miss these, so..."

"Shit, thanks, Suze!"

Suzy beamed at him and for a moment, it felt like nothing had changed.

"You should probably invite us inside," Brian finally interjected, feeling more than a little impatient.

"Fuck, you're right...sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night," Arin chuckled, ushering them in.

They stepped inside, greeted by what seemed to be several dozen floral bouquets. Dan rushed in, holding out a tray of burnt pizza in the shape of a heart.

"What in the name of Bill Nye the fucking Science Guy is happening," Brian demanded, arms folded firmly over his chest as if to protect his heart somehow.

"We did a lot of thinking," Arin explained. "And we both really miss you guys..."

"Aw, Arin," Suzy gushed, throwing her arms around his neck.

"We figured that instead of dating separately, we'd all be in one big relationship," Dan went on, fidgeting with his silver ring. "Because the truth is, life really sucks without you guys in it...and polyamory is a thing. So, whaddya say?"

"I don't mind the idea at all," Suzy answered with a light-hearted shrug. "I mean, it could probably work."

Then everyone's eyes shifted to Brian, who stood expressionless the whole time. Without even thinking, he headed to the front door, uttering a weak "I can't do this again" as he bolted to his car. He had no intention of driving off, but God knows he couldn't stay in there anymore.

"Should I-" Suzy began.

"No, I'll go," Dan cut in, grabbing his leather jacket. "You two catch up. I'll be back."

So, Dan stepped outside and tapped on the hood of the car.

"Can I get in?"

"No, fuck off," Brian mouthed, rolling his eyes.

Regardless, Dan let himself in since the doors were unlocked. They say in absolute silence until Dan began to really think for a moment. He felt almost frustrated by how complicated Brian was making things.

"What the fuck do you want from me," Dan finally demanded, looking over at Brian, who avoided all eye contact. "You can't be happy when I'm not with you and I'm offering to make things work again. What the fuck else can I do? Do you want me to grovel at your feet? Do you want me to apologize for trying to be happy with Arin?"

"No, you fucking asshole, I don't want you leading me on to try and bury your feelings for someone else," Brian replied almost immediately. "I don't trust you. How can you act like everything's fuckin' hunky dory when you're trying to build me up all over again?"

"Bri, I didn't even-"

"No, of course you didn't. You never did."

"Fuck you for acting like this is my fault," Dan spat back, suddenly feeling far more defensive than he'd ever been. "I asked you point blank at the airport if you were gonna be okay-"

"What; you knew I would say I was! I'm not a fucking idiot, Dan! You literally fucked me to keep lying to yourself about wanting Arin! So, yeah, fucking my bad for not guilting you into dating me any longer than you had to."

"I don't get why you're doing this! You're literally making this so complicated! If you want me out of your life then just say so-"

"I'm scared, Danny!"

And it all clicked. Being vulnerable in front of other people wasn't a thing Brian did well or at all for that matter. Yet, there he was, being as honest and vulnerable as Dan had ever seen in the near decade they'd known each other.

"As soon as I say I'm in love with you again, I'm letting you back in and I can't fucking deal with that shit again...I literally just started putting myself together again...and I'm gonna get all tangled up in you again...I'm too old for this bullshit..."

"Bri, I'm sorry...I had no idea-"

"Choose anyone else. Barry, Ross, Mark...anyone but me. You can have anyone you want and you know it."

"That's not even true-"

Brian gave his signature "no bullshit" look and Dan sighed, running his hands through his hair in exasperation.

"I could try to be with anyone else, but all I can think about is your stubborn ass," Dan laughed, relaxing a bit. "You don't have to like me right now-"

"Good, 'cause I don't. You're being fucking annoying," Brian grumbled.

"But I'm so fucking crazy about you and I know you're crazy about me, so we can take it slow, okay?"

"I literally can't stand you."

Dan couldn't help but smile. He leaned forward and kissed along Brian's jawline. Despite Brian's frustration, his anger melted to mild annoyance as Dan kissed his cheek.

It felt like things didn't hurt anymore. It was like being smitten the way they were when they first met. Their relationship shouldn't have worked, but before Arin, it did.

Can four people really be meant for each other at the exact same point in time?

Brian grabbed hold of Dan's jacket collar and pulled him into a deeper kiss than either of them were expecting. The taste was comfortingly familiar to both of them. Brian put his hands where he always did when they kissed: one hand in the hair and one on Dan's scruffy cheek. The feeling of the familiar grip on his curls sent Dan into a contented wave of dizzying bliss. This was part of where he felt at home.

"I can try," Brian murmured, his eyes still closed as if to savor the sensation that came with life returning to his bones.

Maybe it wouldn't work out. Maybe he was entering into something that made no sense. It didn't matter. Nothing felt particularly harrowing about entering into this new experience as a boyfriend of three other people. Trusting again would be a task that required effort, but maybe the payoff would be worth it. Everything felt less...endless and painful. It was like color had returned to his body or kissing Dan had restored air to his lungs.

And inside, it felt easy for two best friends to continue where they left off. Suzy's optimism mixed with Arin's adaptability easily broke down the walls they'd built to keep themselves from getting hurt again.

The saying goes: if you love something, let it go. If it truly loves you in return, it will always find its way back to you.


End file.
